By Elliott West
An 82-year-old man goes to his doctor.
‘I want a complete physical examination. I’m about to get married,’ says the old man.
‘How old are you?’ the doctor asks.
‘I’m 82 and she’s 24. I want a complete examination to make sure everything’s working properly,’ says the old man.
The Doctor said, ’24! Well, I’ll do the examination. But it might be better if you also got a young lodger. You know, company for your wife.’
‘Yes, yes, what a good idea,’ says the old man.
The doctor meets him again a few months later.
‘Did you get married?’ asks the doctor. ‘How’s your young bride?’
‘She’s pregnant,’ says the old man proudly.
‘And, erm, how’s the lodger?’ says the doctor nervously.
‘She’s pregnant, too,’ says the old man”.
Frankie Howerd joke
Introduction
Comedy timing is an art and Frankie Howerd had it in abundance. A man who made his audience roar with laughter. A brand of humour that was executed with a camp flavour. All coming from a person who was painfully shy, a nervous wreck before he performed. Beads of sweat enveloped his brow, a suit that was ill-fitting and a toupee that was beyond ridiculous. Yet with brilliant scripts from the likes of Barry Cryer, Howerd was able to transform into a barrel of laughs, complete with a unique batch of catchphrases including” Titter ye Not”, “Don’t laugh!” and “No Missus!”. Yet beyond the humour of this modern-day court jester lay a man plagued by his own conscious. A gay man who led a secret life, constantly fearing that his truth would be his undoing if it was ever revealed.
“Frankie did not want to be gay. When people came to visit I would be put in another room. He was terrified it would affect his career. “I was a handsome young man and he would hide me away. In the beginning, I was hidden when anyone of note came here. I was even hidden away from his sister, and his mother for a time.”
Dennis Heymer
Frankie Howerd was a comedian who went in and out of fashion several times in his career. The lows took their toll and led to bouts of depression. So much so that he even tried LSD therapy to try and purge his demons. What was not known to the public was that Frankie’s long-term chauffeur and manager, Dennis Heymer was his boyfriend. A relationship that lasted for 41 years with the couple sharing a home in both London and Somerset. This information didn’t come out into the public domain until after Howerd died in 1992.
Frankie had first met Dennis when he was a waiter in 1955. A time when homosexuality was illegal and fear of being outed could lead to a prison sentence and possible blackmail. Howerd struggled with his sexuality and only told his closest friends that the two were an item. Frankie was so paranoid that the truth would come out that he paid several blackmailers to keep their silence. Fans and the media chose to believe that he was a confirmed bachelor. Despite the couple’s love for each other, Howerd remained promiscuous and assumed a predatory nature. Behaviours that Heymer found dangerous and heartbreaking. Yet he remained loving and loyal, forgiving his partner’s cheating ways. He even drove Frankie every Friday to his psychiatrist, leaving him until Monday morning whilst he underwent LSD therapy.
Life After Frankie
“Behind the scenes, he was a great showbusiness man and together he and Frank toured the world and met prime ministers and other heads of state. he was president of the Frankie Howerd OBE Trust, and several other trusts have benefited from the guidance he has given them.”
Chris Byrne
Frankie Howerd died on the same Easter weekend as Benny Hill in 1992. His style of comedy still attracts a massive fan base. Yet Dennis Heymer only revealed the full details of his relationship with Howerd in an interview in 1997. Yet the plot thickens around Heymer. The couple had a so-called adopted son called Chris Byrne. A term used to avoid gossip. After Frankie’s death, the two became close and started a relationship despite a 40-year age gap between the two.
Yet doubts have been cast on the strength of this relationship as towards the end of Dennis’s life, Chris became his career and the two got married. Some say this was so that Byrne could inherit Howerd’s multimillion-pound estate including his £800,000 Wavering Down cottage and memorabilia that included 38 years’ worth of Frankie’s showbiz diaries. Although Howerd’s sister Betty said they don’t exist, believing that her brother had no interest in keeping a diary. Unlike Kenneth Williams who kept one throughout his life.
“He died in my arms as I always said he would. It was quite peaceful and I thanked him for everything he had done for me, and he thanked me for what I had done for him”.
Chris Byrne
Betty and Chris never saw eye to eye and the situation was inflamed when Byrne set up a trust to raise money for good causes in his name. An act that Betty thought was just to exploit her brother’s name. Heymer died at Wavering Down at the age of 82 in 2009. After a private cremation, his ashes were carried to a second service in a replica ancient Egyptian sarcophagus carried by a horse-drawn hearse. The couple both believed that they had previously lived lives in ancient Egypt. The coffin was then buried in Frankie‘s grave in the village churchyard in Weare.
