By Elliott West
“I went to the doctor the other day, I said I broke my leg in three places. He said, ‘Don’t go to those places’.
A Tommy Cooper joke.
Introduction
Tommy Cooper is an example of one of the best comedians that the world has ever witnessed. A bungling magician who could reduce the audience to fits of laughter by just walking on stage. His oversized stature, catchphrases and brilliantly crafted jokes were legendary. A man who was a perfectionist and a gifted magician, a member of the Magic Circle and someone who collected thousands of props to perfect his act. Blink and you will miss the sleight of hand, using his humour to conceal the trick. Yet beyond all the laughs, there lay a very complex character, Tommy suffered from stage fright, and nerves, turning to the bottle as an emotional crutch. The results were hidden for years, well-known in the profession but brushed under the carpet to preserve his national treasure status. Secrets that he took to the grave but sadly a trend amongst the inner angst of so many comedians who reached the very top of their profession. I aim in this piece, not to rubbish Tommy’s rightful place as a legend but to show that there is always a bigger picture and for all those who have gone through a similar experience, this insight will be vital for raising awareness of the dangers of excessive drinking. The demons that it can muster and the devastating impact it has on those that you love.
The Inner Demons
Tommy Cooper’s death live on stage in 1984 sent shockwaves through the world of entertainment. Suffering a massive heart attack during his act, the comedic magician drew his last breath live on television and parted company with this earth to a wave of laughter of applause. The audience was ignorant of the truth at the time, thinking it was part of the act but beyond the suit and fez, lay a man in ill health, ravaged by years of alcohol abuse and legs bound tight due to ulcerations. An adulter who had a 17-year -affair with his personal assistant Mary Kay despite his long marriage to Gwen, the woman he affectionately called ‘Dove’.
Sometimes work pressures cause you to react outside the ordinary box but it can’t excuse the inexcusable act of domestic abuse. It was only after Tommy’s death that the full extent of this abuse was revealed. His victims were his lover and wife. After heavy nights on an alcoholic bender, Copper lashed out with his fists. A tall and strong Welshman who would throw Mary across a room in a fit of rage, leaving her with the emotional and physical scars of his actions. A black eye, and bodily bruising but forgiven due to the deep love she had for him. A man who struggled to deal with his fear of criticism, once telling the audience at the Glasgow Empire to “fuck off” when his act was not well received in his early career.
Beyond the joke of once asking a member of staff for a gin and tonic to pour on his cornflakes, Tommy was never far from an alcoholic beverage. It was in the home, the dressing room and often carried in a paper bag with him. Cooper could drink to no tomorrow, collapsing into a state of drunken oblivion to only get up the next day to start again. It was a demon that Gwen his wife, alerted his manager Miff Ferrie about on several occasions, once punching his wife in front of their children. She threatened to leave him but it never materialised. Cooper accused her of giving back as good as he gave. A cry for help that was silenced by Tommy having a heart attack in April 1977 in Rome. An attack that the Italian doctors attributed to chronic alcoholism. A health scare that Cooper would blame on running a family, work and the secrecy of a mistress.
The Mistress
Gwen always denied she knew anything about Tommy’s affair with Mary. An affair that began in 1967 and led to a relationship that was like a second marriage. Doomed from the outset as Mary always knew that Copper would never leave his wife but a secret buzz that the magician craved in his life. Mary was the touring companion who listened to his woes, calmed his nerves, bound his painful legs and was the instigator of perfecting his tricks, watching him for hours devise new routines and put his personal magical touch to his act. Yet with this affair came Tommy’s baggage. He once flung her to the floor in a Derby restaurant after she laughed at his complaint that the crackling of his roast pork was soggy. He also tore the seam off an expensive dress when they argued about luggage and an occasion when she was anxious about keeping an appointment and Tommy ripped her watch off her wrist and threw it across the room.
The Inner Lie
Tommy joked to friends that he only drank for medicinal purposes, citing that he was sick of being sober. However, you only have to look at some of his stage appearances to see the profound effect that drinking had on him. In 1974 he stayed behind at a Merseyside club and carried on drinking until 7 am and as a result, didn’t show up for a subsequent show, being made to lose a quarter of his appearance fee. The older he got, the later he got for a show, the organisers having to fill in with the band till he showed and once in Southend, he walked off stage five minutes into his routine. This was despite pleas from his friends and loved ones not to drink.
The Demon Booze
Tommy did try on several occasions to battle the booze, visiting a Hampshire health and turning to alcohol-free lager for a while. Yet he nearly killed Michael Parkinson on his 1979 Christmas appearance when he forgot to put the safety catch on the guillotine and it was only the quick response of a BBC technician running off to flick the switch that saved Michael from serious injury. Tommy looked tired, sick and washed out. You have to look at his last appearances on his show on Thames Television to witness a man who was drunk when performing, slurring his words, awkward with his timing and unable to remember his lines. In a Sodastream advert, his voice had to be dubbed with a voiceover of a Cooper impersonator as he was too drunk to say the lines. He even had to have an exclusion clause inserted in his insurance cover referring to a state of intoxication or whilst suffering from alcoholism directly or indirectly”.
Penny Pincher
Cooper was often accused of being mean and stingy. He never bought a round in a club or pub and always wanted free tickets for anywhere he went. He once refused an old tramp a lift outside the Palladium telling him “I’m not a fucking taxi service”. A performer who was accused of being the tightest man in the business. He used to carry three envelopes in his pocket with only one containing money. He used to impress the doorman leaving a show by offering a tip, knowing full well that they would be left with an empty envelope. There was also the classic example of him tipping numerous taxi drivers, parting with the comment “Have a drink on me”. He would stuff the tip in the taxi driver’s pocket only to find later it was a tea bag. Yet beyond all the criticism, Tommy was a person you only had to look at to feel happier.
