“There you are, four candles. No, four candles! Well, there you are, four candles! No, fork ‘andles! ‘Andles for forks!”
Introduction
Growing up, one comedy partnership that shaped my appreciation of humour was the ingenious pairing of Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett as The Two Ronnies. Second only to Morecambe and Wise, they produced a type of humour that was unique and so well-constructed. Each half fed off the other: Ronnie B, a brilliant wordsmith, shy in private but a showman on camera and Ronnie C, a former cabaret artist who used to perform in drag with Danny La Rue, displaying his vast range of comedic skills that outsized his stature. It was a BBC show that ran between 1971 and 1987 with a structure that never changed. Scripted news items at the beginning and the end with a fun-filled mix of sketches in the bulk of the show.
A Defining Year
Written under the pseudonym of Gerald Wiley, the long-term script name of Ronnie Barker, the 1976 sketch entitled ‘The Hardware Shop’ became known as ‘Four Candies’. Inspired by the ongoings of a hardware shop owner in Hayes, this beautifully crafted script was created using the range of goods stocked in Ronnie Corbett’s hardware store in Broadstairs, Kent, where he had a holiday home. Like many stores of the time, a menagerie of goods was on offer, but only those who worked there knew how to find them,
with many hidden away in the wealth of nooks, crannies, drawers and alcoves in the shop.
A True Gem
This sketch is brilliant in so many ways. It is one that builds with frustration as Ronnie C runs around the shop finding the wrong items because of the lack of information given by the woolly-hatted labourer, Ronnie B. Plugs, foot pumps, gate letters and even four candles, mistaken for handles for forks
are strewn across the counter with Corbett breaking into a sweat as he pulls out drawers and climbs a ladder to find them. A long hardware shopping list that is topped off with something that the owner can’t stomach and has to ask his male colleague to take over. Bill Hooks used a saucy punchline to finish the sketch which we all know is the coded way of saying bollocks.
This eight-minute sketch is so good because of how well the script is written and acted out. Barker had a fascination for language and he is able to turn the shopkeeper into a quivering wreck, scowling at his problematic customer and talking to himself as he experiences a customer from hell. Barker was never happy with the ending and at a later stage version at the London Palladium, the male colleague was changed for a female one, taking the list and saying “What kind of knockers are you looking for?.” A reveal made by Barker in the last Two Ronnie Sketchshow shortly before his death. A sketch that is a true comedy classic and is loved by audiences across the world when shown.
